March 7th 2012 , I asked a question: Am I "too gay" for Facebook? I knew I was pointing a loaded gun full of green slime at my face by asking the question, but several comments were made about my content, so I was curious. So, like an idiot, I asked the blanket questions. Most of the responses are sweet, or at least cordial. However, as most as things go, I got one response that furthered the question . . .
"Umm... Very. It's off putting. Part of me is tempted to hide your posts. There is gay and then there is slapping you in the face with it. You're slapping you in the face with it."
One person responded, which I countered with "I am confused by your statement . Please explain."
She responded: "It seems like every post you put up has the word gay in them. It just seems like you're a "one trick pony." I have a family member that is gay, but he doesn't make it his definition of who he is. When he and his SO join in union be it marriage/commitment ceremony, I will be there for him. He has a job, writes his own comics online (gets paid to do it), loves his family, his pets, and is gay. Has been with his SO longer than I have known my husband. When he and I sit down we can converse about more than him being gay. He seems confident in his sexuality and doesn't make it his only thought of the day, which seems like the only thing you do. It gets tiring seeing all your posts."
My response was : "My first reaction when I read this post was anger, then I wanted to delete you as a friend. But before I react, I went through my posts, and saw posts about my hair, about my blog, about star wars, and movies, about my passions, and the things that bother me. so if you think I'm a one trick pony, you don't know me. I converse about many things, but I also offer a different perspective, and I hope that will never change. If you are tired of seeing my posts, hide them or delete me, but don't think that makes the issues or me pointing them out go away. I am gay and I am proud, and you just brought out the fight."
Her response: "Gay and proud, and married to a woman. I know she is a wonderful person, but in my view your being hypocritical do your stance, and doing you and Julie a disservice. What happens when you fall in love and want to marry a gentleman, or if the same happens to her. Hate this post all you want, but if you're standing up for gay rights, be fully who you are or not. I may lose both of you as friends, but honestly it's a mockery of marriage that gay activists are fighting so hard to win."
My response: "......., you just lost all my respect. You know nothing of my marriage."
Her response: "You lost my respect when you married a woman that you don't touch sexually, when you should have a married a man that could be a full relationship. You lost my respect when you sit unemployed while your wife works one to two jobs supporting you. I've sat by and said nothing because of my respect for Julie, but you asked and I expanded my information."
Now, you may be asking why I reposted these comments directly. And the reason is because I didn't want to taint them with my interpretation of them. These are the source of this blog, the place from which my anger dwells.
People attack me all the time. By staring and making funny faces, by muttering under their breathe, and sometimes, straight out making comments about my hair, or whatever I might by wearing, or the fact I am very openly gay. Most of these attacks I don't care about retaliating upon. However, attacking my wife, my marriage, or my friends, and YOU will find me a different creature, one that few ever want to challenge.
There are some facts that anyone that is close to me know, and I have decided to share them here, because I choose to be direct.
1. I am a gay man. I have been since I was six, and playing with other boys. I have tried to change it. I was hard core about changing it for five years. I wanted to be straight so badly if someone had offered to send me to EXODUS I would have gone . . .willingly. I am still gay. There is not amount of beating, teasing, pushing, or nagging that can change this about me.
2. I am an activist. I have fought for gay rights in every way I can since I came out the second time at the age of 23. I have worked with or for almost every gay organization in Nashville for the last twelve years. I have helped raise enough money to fund a small country for all the times I volunteered for said organizations. I plan to remain active in gay fundraising because that is my heart, and my breathe, as long as I live. It is burnt in every fiber of my being, to make sure that "the gays" are not treated as second class citizens.
3. I am more than gay. I am an artist, a lover, a friend. I am family, a shoulder to cry on, and a challenger for those who need it. I am an organizer, a writer, and a protester when needed. I am all these things and so much more . . .but I am still gay. If ever I run for President or apply for a job as a teacher, my being gay affects both. My choices are: Be proud or hide who I am. I don't choose to walk into a room and be the token gay, but I choose to be real with who and what I am. I don't walk up to people and say, "Hi, I'm will and I'm gay." But I do say, "Hi, I'm Will and this is my partner, Brian."
4. I am married. To my best friend in the entire world. Who I love very very much. And can't stand the thought of life without. Period.
I was very lucky to meet my soul mate in my twenties, who has been by side for 11 years, and who consented to be my wife almost two years ago. Yes, she is a woman. But whether I'm gay, or she is bisexual is not the point. We are joined because we choose it. And absolutely no one but she and I have any say about our relationship. Period. Very few know what goes on in our bedroom, because we choose that too.
We have encountered people who have issues with our relationship, but anyone within miles of us know that we have the most functionally, loving union that any two people could hope for. And the Gods and Goddesses bless us each day with that closeness that many marriages could learn from. We have an intimacy that shatters some people's minds because of our complete honesty and trust for one another.
So, looking at a "full relationship" . . .
Open and honest. Check. Loving and passionate. Check. Common interests and goals. Check. Consensual and sane. Check. I don't think I've missed anything.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." Check.
5. I am unemployed. But I have hopes and dreams of being a writer, so technically I'm "struggling artist". Who is broke. I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs. My only addiction is writing, which my wife admonishes me to do more. She wants me to pursue my dream, which costs her nothing. She is not working two jobs so I can go to school (which she is paying for), although even if she were, that is a valid agreement. Having no vehicle, and a string of dead end jobs I hated that affected our time together, we both wanted me to do what I'm doing, chasing my dream.
So, these are my truths used to deflect any "opinions" or self righteous naysayers who think they know what is right for me or my family. Blessed be to those who understand that each must find his or her own road and travel it alone, or in the company of those who understand: Not every path is meant for every person.