If something happens to me tonight or two weeks from now, what did I leave behind? How will people remember me? Will I die with unresolved issues? Will there be anyone that will wonder how I feel about them? And I know these are all deep thoughts, but if you're a poet like me, these have been a part, a huge part, of my thinking since I was fifteen or so.
Notice I said thinking about, not worrying about. What's the difference between the two words? To worry -to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret. To think -to employ one's mind rationally and objectively in evaluating or dealing with a given situation. (Thanks to dictionary.com for that one.) I don't torment myself, I simply employ my mind rationally in evaluating death and what I'm leaving behind. When I die I want people to party, not because I'm dead but because I left behind a legacy, hopefully, a legacy of love.
I have tried to forgive every person who has ever harmed me, intentionally or not. I have fought to never let anger control my motivations or my path in life. I am not a saint, or even "a good Christian", but I tried to make sure to let Love guide me in my actions, my words, and my thoughts. I have done my best to honor Mother Earth and Father Time, meaning I have fought to protect my Mother and honor Time's quickly changing paces. My friends, my true friends, I pray, know that although I have fought to be tough I have also fought to love and honor each of them in tongue, heart, spirit, and action. I pray that if there are any who have anger with me that they would forgive me, and know that I did all that I did with the best of intentions, and if ever that was not the truth, I pray my heart be corrected so that is truth.
I hope and pray that I did things that made someone's life easier, better, and more truthful. I pray that my love opened doors for more people to love, not just "tolerate" each other. Because I believe that this and only this make a difference.
I know this is heavy and I'm sorry for that, but it is where my heart is tonight, and always. So better to be thought a fool, then open your mouth and remove all thought. I am definitively a fool, but only I hope in the best ways. Thank you once more for all those who see beyond my hard shell, and help take care of my "softer side".
I don't reference the bible much, but if I could explain my direction and path it would be this:
1 Corinthians 13:1-8
13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
So, this week: 6 projects works on, wrote almost every day, downloaded "Write or Die" program, which helps so much and set realistic deadlines on 2 projects! I'm proud of WIP this week! And yes I plan on running the Flash Fiction this weekend.
1. Exercising His Options FINISHED
2. The Question Game (2362 words, 9 chapters) Deadline July 10th
3.The Release of the Dragons (3178 words) nothing new
4. A Gender Confused (2362 words) emailed updates to FabVab
5. Carnal Choices (4488 words) nothing new
6. An Alien Encounter (6234 words) nothing new
7. Another Day … (23p, 3991words) Getting more organized
8. Across the World ---Researching
9. Meredith/ Tupla --- (612w) nothing new
10.Rainbow Rage --- (668 words) outlining, nothing new
11. Goldilocks ---Outlining, nothing new
12. A Kindness to Strangers ---Outlining, nothing new
13. What a Dom Wants ---Outlining, nothing new
14. The Dark Side of Day --- Over 20k, nothing new
15. My Father’s Son---Outlined, nothing new
16 Broken, Not Fixed--- Outlined, nothing new
17. Absolute Power ---Outlined, nothing new
18. No Breeders Allowed --- Outlining, 3902 new words
19. Two Week Notice --- (2657 words) nothing new Deadline July 20th
20. The Black --- (2010 words) nothing new, but re-named
21. The Zombie Curse --- typed up (586 words) nothing new
22. Still Enprisoned ---nothing new
23. A Ghost of a Chance --- typed up (960 words) nothing new
24. The Unknown (524 words)
So right now, the colors are: Finished Worked on This Week Backburner Work New Project